Wednesday, December 23, 2009

holiday stress

I love and hate holidays. It's definitely fun slacking off at home, no questions asked. But when your coworkers go on vacations and leave you with twice as much work to do, it really sucks. These last two weeks I have barely had the time to breath at work. Luckily my boss left already, tomorrow's Christmas Eve after all, so I'm alone in my room and I can do whatever I want until I’m free to go home.

Since the new 3.3 patch, I've been playing WoW even more than I usually do. The new LookingForGroup feature is something else entirely, it's an important paradigm shift in a game that desperately needed it. I've done more Utgarde Keep and Nexus runs with my 72 Enhancement Shaman (my boyfriend's same level Elemental Shaman went Restoration and healed – thank god for dual specs!) than I ever did instances on my Paladin's whole entirely solo quest grind to level 80. My sexy burly Draenei Warrior alt, with which I hadn't played in like 6 months, has more Tier-9 items than my Rogue, who raided Trial of the Crusader on an almost weekly basis! Tanks have such an easy time right now, even inexperienced tanks like me are blazing through lots of successful heroic runs with ease and getting loads of Emblems of Triumph for our… “efforts”.

Due to technical issues on the last couple weeks, I finally got to run Icecrown Citadel 10-man for the first time yesterday. We one-shot Marrowgar and Deathwhisper and wiped some good four or five times on Gunship Battle and Saurfang , partially due to us taking several guildies who aren’t regulars of our 10-man group. Now… the cutscene after you kill Saurfang Jr. was one of the most emotional moments I've witnessed in WoW. I was all teary-eyed in the end (crybaby, I know)! King Varian is a major asshole (regardless, his strong rugged handsome manly looks do make up for his shitty personality in this horny gay nerd view), but his exchange with Saurfang Sr. showed a very noble side of his, heartwarming even – and, I’d say, very in character since Varian is a father himself. Overall, a superb addition to an already remarkable fight.

On the gay manga “bara” front, Comiket 77 is coming up very soon (god I wish I were in Japan) and I'm already craving for Shoutaroh Kojima's newest doujinshi. It seems slightly peculiar in comparison to his previous doujin work: I’d say because it isn't fanart as far as I can tell (the characters look original to me), and the oyaji bottom looks older (he even sports a moustache!) and even more muscular than usual (Kojiman is particularly fond of bodybuilding competitions, and that is showing – and I’m loving it). While some artists always take the safe, predictable path every time – Takeshi Matsu being the greatest offender, his stories are usually enjoyable, but I can't seem to shake off the triteness – this admittedly small but very noticeable twist on Kojiman’s usual oyaji-uke characters only makes it even more enjoyable to me, if that were even possible! Here's a crop of the preview he posted in his pixiv account:

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

dragon age: perfection

A few days ago, I managed to get my dirty hands on a copy of my long sought-after masterpiece Dragon Age: Origins. Coupled with the fact I've been having constant issues with my ISP lately (two whole days without internet at home sure made me feel like I've been isolated from the world for an eternity), I can say I've had the opportunity to play it a fair bit.

Without any hyperbole, I must say it's clearly, hands-down, without a doubt, surely, unmistakably, undeniably, undoubtedly, certainly, definitely the best game I've played this generation. It's briliant in every single aspect. The only issues I've had so far are a BSOD once, and noticeable slowdowns in cutscenes. Other than, that it's flawless, which means if you have an up-to-date gaming rig, unlike me, by purchasing DAO you will be acquiring a perfect game. Simple like that. And everyone knows how hard to find those are!

The gameplay is pure delight. I had never played any D&D game that preceded DAO such as Baldur's Gate or Neverwinter Nights - heck, I had never played a BioWare game before, so I had no idea what to expect... and I sure feel stupid for not trying out one of those games before! I'm amazed how it's both tactical and fast-paced; pausing for queueing commands is like the best invention ever. The plot is your traditional epic quest, but it's told in a most compelling way. I actually cheered out loud a few times: it's that nerdgasmic, if not terribly original.

(and Alistair... oh, Alistair. He is the hottest bearish thing ever. Sharp-tongued and cuddly at the same time, what a combination! Best character so far. I love his exchanges with other party members, especially Morrigan. But it makes me sad that DAO is western, so Alistair porn will probably be harder to find. If he were in a Japanese game my HD would surely be overflowing with Alistair porn by now. I vow to find a way to get my male Human Noble Rogue to fuck him in the ass, because he's clearly a bottom)

Monday, November 23, 2009

the "bara" phenomenon‏

I've just noticed today at work that, after so many years of Western exposure, somebody wrote a great entry on "bara" for Wikipedia. I remember how it took several years for it to be even mentioned on the "yaoi" entry, and now it has its own full-fledged section, filled of references and all that stuff! Shame we don't get to know the author (although I do have a few guesses), because I would love to congratulate the effort of whoever did that. Gay manga has become such an important part of my life I can't imagine myself living without it. Together with videogame, it's the hobby I devote the most of my time to.

The number of people who learn of "bara" every day never fails to impress me. Often when checking the bara board (now in a new address) I see some Anonymous requesting years-old Takeshi Matsu scans, or asking "source" or "MOAR" on 101 stuff like Gai Mizuki, Shoutaroh Kojima or even Jiraiya. Since it's an anonymous board you have no way of knowing the person behind those posts, but from their request you can tell they are new to the scene.

"Bara" is a term I've long despised, but as you grow older you learn to accept things you once strongly opposed - I'm growing used to it. I am lucky enough to be part of the small, nostalgic group who witnessed its discovery and early divulgation by a few trailblazers and their treasured scans (for which I'll be eternally grateful), and now it's pretty much a given that any gay nerd will come to know of it, probably very soon during their netlives.

Almost brings a tear to my eye.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

dragon age: frustration

Dragon Age: Origins, the game I was anticipating the most this month (hell - this year), was released on November 13th here in Brazil. As of today, 11.17, trying to find a copy is a pointless endeavour, since absolutely no store has it in stock. Not because it was sold out or anything - everywhere I go I'm told it isn't out yet.

Videogaming is so neglected around here it's no surprise every-goddamn-body pirates. My Xbox360 isn't modded, I can't run pirates, but I'd be inclined to flash it if not for the massive Halloween ban wave. It's been ages since I've wanted to purchase Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 for some coop bonanza with my boyfriend (a major Marvel fan who loved X-Men Legends), but it's being sold for almost R$ 300. That's about 171 US Dollars. One-hundred seventy one dollars for the exact same game I would pay $60 in a decent civilized country. Modding your Box is like, one-fifth the price.

Admittedly, I could have bought DAO through Steam, but overall I find Steam slightly... uncomfortable., for no particular reason. Besides, I want the premium edition that comes in a nice box with some silly extras (that make all the difference, really). But it's no good, no place is selling it yet. Even though it's supposed to be out for days.

Alistair, I need you so goddamn much. Gimme the stupid game already!
(I'm so into Alistair I was almost willing to forsake all my moral beliefs and go female, just to romance him - why the hell do we gay guys have to fuck a fruity elf instead of a gorgeous, manly human? Down with gay elf stereotypes already! Anyway, human males turn me on to a degree I could never bother rolling a skank just for a dude. A sexy and cuddly dude nonetheless... ahh, I need a gay mod for Alistair :p)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

console gaming

My recently bought Xbox 360 is providing me with short but pleasant gaming experiences. I don't play it much, as most of my time is still devoted to World of Warcraft (although things will change next week, once I finally get new shoulders for my Paladin), but those fleeting gaming hours have been surprisingly enjoyable.

Two years ago, I considered myself a JRPG fanboy. I played nothing but J-RPGs and the occasional Metal Gear Solid. My life post-WoW, though, is completely different. My MMO-exclusive years have given me a newfound appreciation for the Western RPG style, which, coupled with the utter lack of quality J-RPG releases that greatly dampened my enthusiasm for the genre, I reached a point where I haven’t a clear first choice when it comes to Western or Japanese. I'm looking equally forward to Final Fantasy XIII, Dragon Quest IX and Diablo III – back in the day, there wouldn't be even a competition, FFXIII would win. And not only because of Snow Villiers (although he’s surely a boner-inducing sight factor).

I have to say, console gaming feels awkward after spending so much time gaming on a desktop. I don't think I'm still used to controllers again, and that was the most natural thing ever. The games themselves are also so… different. Not only from WoW but also from the last generation I was so familiar with. One of the strangest things to me right now is not having people to talk to while I’m gaming. MMOs might have their several flaws, but their main quality – fostering sociability – is outstanding in more ways than one, and once you get used to chatting while you’re playing, it's hard to go back to solo gaming. I plan on joining Xbox Live ASAP.

So far, I've played mostly Fable II, The Last Remnant and Street Fighter IV, all very good games. Even though I'm hopeless in SF4, Abel is just so goddamn hot I feel the, let’s call it, "urge" to play. Even though I inevitably get spanked (...which is really hot, actually). Abel skyrocketed straight to the top of my list of favourite fighting game characters (formerly composed of Ramon from King of Fighters, Mitsurugi from Soul Calibur, Eddy Gordo from Tekken and Daigo from Rival Schools) in no time. Shame my personal god Shoutaroh Kojima isn’t a fellow fan!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

it's a wonderful life

I actually spent a whole month without writing anything. There are a few reasons for the prolonged absence.

- I was on vacation throughout September. This blog was created as a way to cool off while working: every single entry I published here was written during idle hours at work. Since I had the whole month off, I was already pretty cooled off with gaming marathons and overslept mornings... and that kinda defeated the purpose of writing.

- I'm back to work right now... but they blocked access to Blogspot in my absence. The firewall is - or rather, was based on a whitelist: we had a list of allowed sites, and anything that wasn't on that distinct category was off-limits. But, alas, they decided to blacklist a few terms, one of them being "blog". So access is denied to any website with the word "blog" in it, even those who were previously okay, such as (it's a Google website, and everything Google was formerly whitelisted).

- I'm slightly depressed due to returning to my job. And I don't mean specifically my job (it's the same old boring crap - nothing changed... or will ever, I think), working in itself makes me depressed. I miss my early days at college. I could slack off all. Day. Long. And maybe even study, if I had time left over! Growing up and having to work in order to pay the bills majorly sucks.

- I'm slightly depressed due to returning to my country. New York City is (almost) everything I ever wanted in a city. Its quality far outweight its flaws, it's not even funny to compare it with São Paulo. I'll write a proper post later... I've been setting that back for a while, since even thinking of New York makes me sad I'm not there anymore. Writing a full post on the trip will make me wanna kill myself - or immigrate. Those American blonde hunks are really something else entirely.

While this outlet of rants and memoirs won't be completely forsaken, right now I'm as uninspired as I can get. Add to the fact that I can't seem to register to Xbox Live (I bought an Xbox 360 Elite in NYC), three quality members of my guild stopped playing and I have to resort to farming regular 10-mans when we could perfectly shoot for Trial of the Crusader Heroic, and yeah... life sure is exciting these days.

Monday, August 31, 2009

a twitter post

I'm going to NYC tonight! Yey.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

summer fever

Two short remarks regarding NatsuKomi.

- Kojima Shoutaroh didn't get to print his new doujinshi in time, so the Bang Shishigami "book" I mentioned earlier was being sold in CD-ROM form only. This means I didn't really miss the unique opportunity to first-hand purchase the actual book, since... well, there isn't an actual book. And the digital doujin is already for sale on Digiket! I need my WebMoney, and I need it now.

- Mizuki Gai, the best-selling artist from Honey Come Bingo, had a new doujinshi for sale. If that alone wasn't good enough, I was... thrilled, to say the least, when I found out it's a frigging Chris Redfield book. So, lemme think it straight: the most popular artist these days just published a book that features the most popular kinniku-kei character these days. Yeah, colour me "slightly" excited. I hope it's for sale on Rainbow Shoppers, as his doujinshi usually are. I sure will buy a copy day one! Needless to say, the cover was enough to make me shiver in anticipation. Here's a cropped sample from his blog:

Monday, August 17, 2009


Healing is widely regarded as a girly role. Admittedly, most women seem to play a healing spec, but it’s a silly stereotype, as stereotypes usually are, and I know several men who enjoy bringing those Health bars back up and they are definitely not gay or anything.

It happens that I'm starting to prefer healing with my Holy Paladin over DPSing with my eternally favourite character, my Rogue. My boyfriend is a healer first and foremost – his main character is a Priest, main spec Discipline, dual spec Holy. Healing is all he does. But me, I’m attracted to manly. I like masculinity: melee, Solid Snake, oyaji – manly is my thing. I even rolled my healer to be the least girly possible: he's a plate-wearing Paladin (no skirts for me, T8 and T2 can DIAF!) and a bearded burly stocky Dwarf of all things! But that supposedly "womanly" thing called healing is growing on me to the point of making me consider rolling a healer first on my next MMORPG (possibly Aion?), and a rogue-assassin type only later! Could it be that I'm unwillingly developing a fondness for the "passive", "caregiving" role, thanks to my "gay gene"?

I have to say I personally don't see healing as particularly "girly". Healing is undeniably more peculiar in being cooperative instead of competitive: healing meters mean nothing, unlike DPS meters, which can coldly display how useful you really are. While DPSing, you aren’t much more than a number in a list. And sitting at the top spots of the DPS chart grants you the prerogative to show off: you are "the man"! On the other hand, people hardly ever notice healers, unless they do something wrong and wipe the raid. If you want glory, healing can definitely be a rather unrewarding role, and boasting about prowess, competitiveness and that elusive term called “skill” are features usually more related to men.

However, a great deal of fun as a healer for me lies in PvP, and PvPing as a healer works almost like a PvE tank – you have to maximize your survivability, endurance and lasting power, since you are likely focus-fired all the time, and at the same time protect your allies with your supportive spells. It’s very intense, and I doubt people think of tanking as "womanly". To me, being incredibly tough to kill is also part of being a healer, even if that side of the role only comes into play in a whole different aspect of the game. So, while in the sense of "bragging rights", healing could possibly be considered less masculine than DPSing, PvP healing is every inch as "manly" as tanking is.

Also, even in PvE, the most captivating aspect of healing to me is how important you are. Healers are crucial to a party. They keep you alive, and if you are dead you might as well not even be there. Being a healer is being blessed (or burdened, in some people’s view) with great responsibility, which again makes them very closely related to tanks... who, as I said above, are usually regarded as "manly". Double standards, much?

I prefer to think those stereotypes are unfounded and healing isn’t as "girly" as some might say. Even though an astonishing amount of female players choose healers, healing can be manly, it can be girly, and it definitely can be gay. Come to think of it, every player who made my gaydar tingle (let’s just say Ventrilo can be very revealing) is a healer or has a healer alt... maybe it is in the gay gene after all. :)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

my passion

NatsuKomi 76 will take place later this week and my personal God, Shoutaroh Kojima, released a preview of his new doujinshi, a Bang Shishigami (from BlazBlue) book.

New Kojiman artwork always make my day. Always. The world could be ending, but if Kojima posted a new sketch of his I would pay no mind. This preview almost made me forget the frustration of not being able to purchase the book - Comiket doujinshi usually have an extremely short print and aren't sold anywhere else, although Kojima did say he will try to sell it online. But even if he did, it isn't the same thing as having the actual book.

Don't miss the whole pic out (or rather, the collection of cropped pics) in his pixiv account if you happen to be a member of the site!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

the tactical advantage

Reading Tobold's remarkable post about Tactics RPGs (also known as Strategy or Simulation RPGs, S-RPGS for short) made me realise how long it has been since I last played a quality S-RPG, and how much I miss them. My favourite videogame ever is the timeless classic Final Fantasy Tactics. I could write an essay on how much I love it. Summing it up, it's got my favourite videogame storytelling and my favourite gameplay ever.

(funny how back when I first played FFT, a few months after it was released in 1998, I had no idea who Yasumi Matsuno was – only later I came to know he's the same director of my back-then favourite game, Ogre Battle, which as a matter a fact is also a Tactics RPG, but of a whole different sort. Matsuno has already become an idol of mine, joining the ranks of Shoutaroh Kojima and Keiji Fujiwara)

First of all, I dig bildungsroman-like stories. There’s nothing like being able to perceive the character’s growth; starting as a nobody and progressively become a great somebody, especially if needlessly corny or over-the-top intermissions are reduced to a few, or even none (honestly I can’t think of any unnecessary dramatic passages in FFT, everything comes together very well). I also prefer plots that deal with political conflicts, even if they are totally implausible or unlikely (give me a FFXII’s “Silly War over Stones” over the several "Save the World from the Evil Demon/Wizard/Evil God" clichés any day!), and FFT’s plot is an intricate tale filled with treachery and betrayal. Also, bittersweet endings just get me... FFT’s ending is a sad but uplifting masterpiece, plus it bestows us with the greatest, harshest piece of irony I’ve witnessed in a videogame: Delita’s last scene (after you watch everything he went through in the game).

I love the extensive micromanagement of my armies and the pre-combat planning it ensures. In S-RPGs, you are usually presented with several ways to customize and improve your units (such as gear, classes, skills etc) and, besides the tactical choices during the fights themselves, that micromanagement in itself is also a highly strategic part of the game. You have to carefully think which units you’ll bring to the fight, how to distribute your good pieces of gear among your units, which classes to level on your toons and so on.

Finally, S-RPGs have a quality that is long lost in the current style of games: you can afford to stop to think. The nod towards “action gaming” of most current RPGs seems widely published and regarded as some sort of selling point, but I don’t endorse this notion. Not completely. While I don’t mind action-oriented games (I actually enjoy like several of them), does everything have to be high-paced? There ought to be room for games in which not all decisions have to be made in fractions of a second.

I agree when Tobold says S-RPGs are a gaming style long lost. Admittedly, some S-RPGs have been developed and published lately but, truth be told, they don’t appear to include what I liked the most about my old S-RPGs – that is, all these features I tried my best to describe in the paragraphs above. I wonder if, on a sunny day, Yasumi Matsuno will descend from the Heavens and save the gaming world from the insidious action influence, rewarding us with slower-paced, more strategic gaming… or if I should just embrace the current action trend in videogames.

In the meanwhile, I guess I’ll just stick to playing Dragon Quest IX.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

honey come bingo

A few days ago, I decided to play a BL game I had set my eyes on a long time ago, Honey Come Bingo. It isn't exactly a new game, but I didn't get the chance to play it before because of the whole "Me Turning Into a WoW Zombie" deal. Right now I feel the WoW-addiction has waned enough to allow me to play other games, and Honey Come Bingo was on the top of my list.

HCB is a gay porn doujin-game. I've been helplessly addicted to drawn gay porn for a long time, and over all those years I played a few BL games. The ones aimed at gay males are, sadly, very few and far between, so it's not like I ever had a broad variety to choose from. My favourite - or rather, the crowd's favourite - is Hunks Workshop, the little masterpiece by Massanori everyone loves, and for a good reason (namely, it's great). Go Fujimoto's Ore to Mahou no Koibito and the earlier games by Gai Mizuki (the man behind Honey Come Bingo), like G-Case and Loops, were highly entertaining too.

People don't usually look for inspired gameplay or mind-blowing complex plots in BL games. They usually want porn. And those games deliver (usually) high quality porn in a (usually) "funner" way than clicking thumbnails on pixiv. While playing Honey Come Bingo, I had no clue what was the story (BL games usually have an option for fast-forwarding dialogues, let's just say I made good use of it), and the gameplay is a rather simple board game: after the first two or three matches, I started to win almost every match.

However, "winning the board game" doesn't seem necessarily to be HCB's main goal - it's more about unlocking those wonderful CGs, and there seems to be a few more ways of doing that. During the matches you are up against three AI-controlled opponents, and each player has two or three sets of "gems" spread over the board. If you gain control of a tile with one of their gems, you get to keep the gem and start to "win their hearts" (or something like that, I got that off Anonib - my understanding of the game didn't get that far). What I quickly realized was that after they lose enough gems, you get CGs showing them taking their clothes off... and those are definitely some of the most gorgeous pieces Gai Mizuki has ever done (considering the guy's a freaking monster, they are obscenely good). And if you talk to them in between games, they can start to like you too - I even got to see superbly drawn flashbacks of two characters who loved me when they lost their last gems and were kicked off the game., let's move on to the highest point of the game. I have to bold this following part: Honey Come Bingo features the best cast in a gay themed game ever. I'm not exaggerating, the cast is that good. As usual, the character you control is the least attractive one (this seems to be a trend in BL games), but your opponents... Jesus Christ, those are godly specimen of steamy, manly, muscular, unshaven oyaji meat. There's seven of them, and fun fact: the family name of each of them has the kanji of a weekday (seven weekdays, seven opponents... get it?).

They are, in order (left to right - click for higher res pic!):

- Wakatsuki Toru (若月徹), 27 year-old baseball player.
- Hino Yutarou (火野勇太郎), 31 year-old actor.
- Mizushima Gou (水島剛), 29 year-old K-1 fighter.
- Kimura Tadanao (木村忠尚), 22 year-old university student and rugby player.
- Kaneda Masaru (金田優), 26 year-old employee of a delivery company.
- Hijikata Takeshi (土方武), 33 year-old gambler (and full-time hottie).
- Hibino Kingo (日比野欽吾), 46 year-old president of a company.

(my favourite is obviously the blond gambler oyaji, Hijikata. *swoons* He was always the last one to join the bingo for me, so I had to kick at least three other hunks for him to show up in all his mighty goateed glory)

Unfortunately I didn't get to play much so far, and I didn't even bother trying to decipher the nihongo to get a grasp of what's going on. A shame really, because when you actually understand what's going on those games become ten times more interesting (a friend once told me the outlines of Niikura's storyline in Hunks Workshop. suffice to say it made me like the guy even more than I already did), but there's tons of dialogue and if you don't understand Japanese enough, like me, it's probably an exercise in frustration even attempting to make sense of it. But for people looking for some majorly well done oyaji/gachi-muchi porn by the god named Gai Mizuki, Rainbow Shoppers still has copies for sale, or you can download the game illegally - this is the huge interwebz afterall. And you could always download solely the CG pack, but I honestly feel that working hard for your porn makes it all the more exciting. :)

Friday, July 24, 2009


My wrist was injured (too much typing at work and too much WoW at home!), so I have to spend a week without typing. I'm typing this post right now so I'm obviously not doing what I should do. :p

It's amazing how hard it is to be without internet (I can't do anything if I don't type). I'm just too addicted.

On a side note, Kojiman released the cover of his NatsuKomi doujinshi and I need it, now.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


I've grown addicted to reading about New York, which is one of the reasons I've been neglecting this blog (utter lack of inspiration being the other). My boyfriend and I are going to NYC to celebrate our fourth anniversary and I haven't been as enthusiastic in years. I read everything about the city I can find, and it's been delightful.

Here at work, some people expressed to me their disdain about New York. They say we already live in a huge city (the largest one in our country by far, in fact) and New York is supposedly "nothing but a big city". But, wait... isn't being "nothing but a big city" a whole damn lot? I'm 100% urban. I've studied in the countryside for a year and I despised every moment. I love large cities, they entrance me. It's in my blood. So thinking I'll be in the world's most iconic big city in less than two months excites to no end.

In my mind, New York is a city that works. As much as I love São Paulo, it's several flaws are undeniable. The most glaring, in my opinion, and the ones I think NYC is better than here, are public transportation and crime. But I've never been to NYC, or even to America (my only experience abroad was a month in London back when I was 15), so I possibly have an ideal depiction of NYC that might not be close to the cold harsh reality. Still, for the following month and a half, New York might as well remain the urban paradise it is in my dreams. :)

Monday, July 6, 2009

angels and demons

Everyone can't stop talking about the new sensation in the MMO gaming world, the incoming Asian release currently in beta testing, Aion. Several people got beta keys and are sharing their first impressions.

I don't plan on leaving World of Warcraft anytime soon. While it's not as compelling as it was one year ago, I still enjoy it. I play with my boyfriend, so it's a way to get in touch with him on weekdays. The folks in my guild are a lot of fun. But raiding content of late (Ulduar) doesn't deliver - I'm up to Yogg-Saron, sorely missing TBC and Black Temple - and I'm above all a raider, so I'm slightly frustrated. I'm open to a new outlet to go along with my possibly waning WoW addiction. And Aion, from what is being said, is very reminiscent of WoW - albeit with several Asian touches.

I bear strong bias against Asian MMOs. My first Massively Multiplayer Online experience was Ragnarok Online, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I hate how it's so goddamn cutesy. There's a limit to sugary and Ragnarok definitely crossed that line. Now, Aion. Thankfully it doesn't resemble RO in the slightest manner, but it still looks very, how shall I put it... "soft". I'm not looking for a hardcore, dark, gory setting: in fact I detest those as much as, or even more than I dislike overly cutesy. But does everything need to be bland, pale and slightly ethereal? WoW's hit a soft spot. It's very diverse; there is some colourful scenery here, but there's some darker or more earthly settings there. To a degree WAR did that too, but Aion graphic style, from the screenshots I've seen, steers far away from what I like. But I'm better off waiting for more screens and videos to pass proper judgment.

The world of Aion has two races. "Demons" and "angels", for short. Oh man. I despise anything resembling demons and angels. When they aren't in a slapstick-silly setting like Disgaea, they reek of angsty drama. And angels mean wings, which are up there with pointy ears as the biggest design turnoff for me (terrible memories of Angel Sanctuary, Sephiroth, "otaku-moe" coolness... ugh! *shudders*). If wings were something special only certain characters could end up getting, I wouldn't mind it, but it seems everyone gets wings. Ewww!

I must say like the classes. They don't stray from the traditional Fighter-Rogue-Mage-Priest sacred cow, which means they can't do much wrong. And there's an Assassin class, so they got me covered in case I eventually subscribe.

So, yeah... I bear lots of prejudice towards Aion already. But that's prejudice, not an opinion - I haven't had decent exposure to the game to properly judge it. Those dislikes might very well end up being completely unfounded. All in all, I'm not highly anticipating it. More like cautiously waiting for more information, especially regarding the actual gameplay. Depending on what I hear, I might as well give it a shot.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

more than meets the eye

I'm not a Michael Jackson fan. We're opposites in fact, since he likes his men young and I like mine old. He never wanted to grow old, I was born some five decades too late. But his old songs were undeniably great. My favourite is Black and White, which I've been listening a lot lately (I love the Adam Lambert version). But there's one thing that baffled me about the icon: the whole body modification process.

MJ is the only black person I've ever heard of that became white. I never knew how he did it, and honestly I don't buy the skin condition story. I've met people with vitiligo (a German teacher of mine had it), but they only had some white spots on their faces, neck, arms, whatever. The rest of the skin kept its regular colour. MJ, on the other hand, had his whole skin became white instead of some patches popping out at a time. Admittedly, this happened over the years, with his skin progressively becoming fairer, but it's still very different from the vitiligo I've seen.

I think we all have some physical features we're dissatisfied with on ourselves. For instance, I detest how I look. I'm an daddy fanatic that looks like anything but a daddy. More of a sonny, really. There isn't a single part of my body I'm satisfied with. I'm skinny. My facial hair - the most important part of a man's body IMO - is... very sparse. Teenager quality. If I grow my hair I'll get an afro. Or maybe a jewfro since I'm pale (I'm neither black nor jew, though... so a "brazilfro" maybe). And so on. Could it be that if I had the money MJ had I would also try to make myself look closer to what I picture as the ideal look? I've never heard of surgeries to make people grow facial hair but I've never heard of treatments to make people skins go white either, and Michael Jackson is the living proof (...or not so much) that those do exist.

I prefer to think I wouldn't go to the extremes MJ went, seeing how those eventually turned him into a monster. But I wonder if I were in his shoes I wouldn't do similar things on a smaller scale.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I've just noticed the Up premiere here in my country was pushed back to September. September. I admit I never considered myself a Pixar fan - I always liked their movies but never found them particularly outstanding... until I saw Ratatouille. I cried like a little baby over the latter half of the movie, no idea why, it's not sad or particularly emotional, but I did. Needless to say it quickly became my favourite animation movie ever, and now I'm doing my best to catch the new Pixar releases. I saw WALL-E days after it was released, and while it's great, I don't feel it's up to Ratatouille level of greatness, despite being far better than almost every cartoon out there.

Up's plot summary caught my eye. A grumpy widower's soul search has all the "Wild Strawberries" potential to be good, in a lighthearted "Pixar" way. I'm trying to avoid any further information on the movie to be surprised when I finally watch it. I hope it meets my expectations, I'm sure it's capable of that.

Monday, June 22, 2009

run of the mill

Life has been pretty boring lately, and I've been uninspired as I can be. My idol, Shoutaroh Kojima, is taking part in the Summer Comiket, with a Chris Redfield doujinshi... and I won't be there. I'm the saddest person in the world. Still, I hope someday I'll be able to get my hands in that book. He might release it digitally, but nothing compares to having the actual book.

I'm so bored.

Monday, June 15, 2009

criminal intent

I originally intended to play World of Warcraft as a Horde character. Specifically, a Troll Shaman. I'm fond of tribal themes and, from the descriptions, Shamans seemed cool as hell frozen over. Totems! Dual-wielding! Windfury! Shocks! Not to mention Trolls are goddamn sexy: how could I possibly not like lanky, bloodthirsty voodoo fellows with tusks and a Jamaican accent?

It happens that on our first day of gaming, we created a Human Priest for my boyfriend (he always plays with the priest/healer type of classes). The problem was that his priest was an Alliance character. Cross-faction cooperative play among Horde and Alliance being impossible, my Shaman would never be able to play with his Priest. So I ended up making a Human Rogue, solely in order to play with him. I figured I would still be able to play with my Shaman when I was by myself.

Fast-forward a couple weeks and I was completely addicted to the Rogue gameplay. He became my character of choice - my main. So much for being Horde!

To be honest, being a Human makes more sense: I'm a nice guy at heart (stupid, I know), and Alliance has that goodie-goodie feeling going on that's completely absent from Horde's ravished landscapes and shanty capitals. Once I got to Stormwind I just knew I belonged there. And, as much as I try to fight the urge, I always play the rogue/thief characters. It's inevitable - it's as if there were a voice in my head constantly asking "how could you NOT be a mobster when you are perfectly able to?". My great-grandparents must have been part of Cosa Nostra, it's likely in the blood.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

the sims and simulating life

The Sims 3 is great. My only family so far is (obviously) a gay couple - I'm always impressed how gay-friendly The Sims is. One of them has black hair, stubble and fair skin. The other is tanned, blond, with a goatee and glasses. Both of them have as much muscle as the game allows, which isn't that much, really. Dark-haired boy started as an outlaw, but he was caught and went to jail on his first day of work. That same day he received an offer to start a career in sport (he's very athletic), so he left the criminal life and is now a promising athlete. Tanned-blond boy is a geeky journalist who for some reason wants to have a baby with dark-haired boy. He's a great cook and is writing a science fiction novel.

Videogames in general are dirty fun, in the sense you waste your life doing something amusing but ultimately pointless. But The Sims epitomizes this notion: the gameplay revolves around nothing other than an extremely ordinary virtual life. It's meant to simulate the life of a regular person, as plain as it can be... but it's strangely enticing. I don't really get why it's fun, but it actually is, and I'm having a great time playing it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

fanboy memoirs - part 2

(first part here)

That one wonderful site was "No Bishounen Allowed", or NBA for short. It's, without a shadow of doubt, part of my top5 list of "Best Websites The Internet Ever Had" (I'd say it's the runner up - top site being one of which I'll speak of in a later post). Rockear, the host, is a fellow gay nerd and one of the kindest people in the world. Back in the ancient year of 2003, he would scan his own, very modest (to today's standards) collection of Japanese drawn smut and share it with a then small community of ravenous gay nerds. Did I say he's one of the nicest people in the world? Because he is.

I daresay, though, that the crucial turning point can be found in 2004. Early this year, Rockear posted news of a very special Japanese magazine that focused on drawn gay porn. Later on, he showed us some stories from this special book. Why special? You could tell simply by looking at its name: Kinniku Otoko (筋肉男), or "Muscle Men". It was a serial anthology that featured a bunch of short manga stories with a common focus - manly men. Some plots were romantic, other had a BDSM twist (especially Gengoroh Tagame's stuff), but each and every of them involved manly men doing naughty things with other manly men. Yes, Kinniku Otoko was everything I was looking for. And for that marvelous discovery, I have only Rockear to thank. Is it clear by know why he's so nice?

I think Kinniku Otoko vol.6 or 7 were just released when I found out about it through Rockear's site. And we, the small community of gay nerds, vigorously followed every release with fanfarre. My favourite artists back then were Masanori (remember him, from the old post? He did some covers and some stories for KO!) and Takeshi Matsu, both of them still active to this very day. Matsu's work is featured in almost every Japanese gay magazine; Masanori isn't nearly as prolific - he updates his site very seldom and hasn't had anything published in a magazine since around 2005-2006. It's a time I'll never forget: Mens Love, as it is know now (back in the day, everything gay in manga form was still called BL, or Boys Love), was still in its early steps and all but undiscovered in the West, so each new story we got our hands on was a tremendous achievement. I remember I was one of the first people to get his hands on Takeshi Matsu's first compilation, Itsuka wa Kuma Goroshi (いつかは熊殺し, or Kill the Bear Someday), and my scans of Baito Yamemasu (バイト辞めます, or Quitting This Part-Time Job) are still around if you look hard enough. :)

Besides Rockear himself, to whom I would talk a lot, I became acquainted with several of his suppliers - other people who, like me, were also interested in Kinniku Otoko, bought the books, scanned them and send them to Rockear so he would put them up at the No Bishounen Allowed. This way I met Gub Smyth, Zombot and others - fellow fans and good friends. But sadly, after all these long years I've lost contact with most of them. I miss these guys - but unfortunately most of us old timers aren't nearly as active these days. I guess we grew up.

Still in 2004, Rockear introduced me to 4chan, which wound up being a major part of my life for several years. Why? Well, our fandom didn't have a place to hang out besides NBA. NBA was a distribution site, mostly; we didn't really talk in there. It happened that 4chan had (and still has) a yaoi board, /y/, which was meant to be the place in 4chan where fangirls would post their feminine yaoi artwork and gloat over their faaaabulous men and all. But Mens Love was still technically yaoi - there wasn't as strong a split as there is today. So we basically expropriated 4chan's yaoi board from its original occupants. Ah, the clashes we had back in the days! (*nostalgia*) We would post our muscular, hairy, bearded men, polluting their beeeautiful board. They would get angry and start complaining. We would defend our point of view... basically, flamewars were rampant. And a rich source of amusement! I was a major troll, under the alias I still use today: Red (people hated me, heh!). And our sense of community and awareness would only be fostered by these arguments. Fighting our common enemy - yaoi fangirls - was as fun as it gets for a gay nerd. Especially in an anonymous board.

But around 2005, Rockear closed his site due to threatening emails from supposed Japanese publishers, and Kinniku Otoko had its last volume published, Kinniku Otoko Pride. It was canceled after 12 volumes. Did this mean everything was over?

Far from it! We already had /y/ as our meeting place, and KO was merely the avant-garde publication that set the trend - several new anthologies were released, and, even if they didn't last as long, they were enough to fill our cravings. Artists that drew gay manga were already all over the internet, and 4chan's Japanese older sister, Futaba, opened its own board focused on manly gay men - it was called "bara", or ばら. We had found a name to call what we liked and, for once and all, distinguish ourselves from yaoi: we were bara fans. I never liked this name (I consider it a 2chanism, since nobody in Japan except that Futaba board would refer to what we liked as "bara" - I prefer Mens Love), but we were already established.

(more to come in the third and final post in this series - I promise it'll be considerably shorter!)

Monday, June 8, 2009

internet service provider

I'm having several issues with my ISP. It's erratic, sometimes my it's up for several minutes, then I get disconnected for two hours, then it's up again. It's a major pain since I'm typing this entry and I'm not sure if it'll get published.

Thankfully I got my boyfriend a copy of The Sims 3 this Saturday, and it's a game that doesn't require an internet connection to be played (those seem to be more and more rare by the day). I borrowed it before he even had the time to play so while my connection doesn't get repaired, I'll resort to living a Simlife. Geez!

Thursday, June 4, 2009


I'm tired. I'm having tons to do at work. I barely have time for myself in there, so writing blog posts are a hard task currently. Besides, it's so damn cold right now my fingertips are freezing and it's a major pain in the ass to type anything.

I'm going to watch the Beauty and the Beast musical on Sunday with my boyfriend and his aunt. I hope it's fun (looking forward to see Gaston, he's so damn sexy - hint, skip to 1:57). September the three of us are going to NYC (still no idea where to go or what sights to see, never been there) and we are planning on watching some musicals there too. Wicked is a given - the rest not so much.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

metal gear life

To nobody's surprise, Metal Gear Solid 5 was announced. I'm already having spasms of nerd joy while typing this at work. I love the Metal Gear Solid games with a passion. I would never call myself a MGS fanboy - I simply couldn't. I know what it's like to be a fanboy, since I am a Shoutaroh Kojima fanboy, for instance. And based on my own acts of fanboysm, I can assure myself I'm not a MGS fanboy. I'm merely a fan who deeply loves every MGS game I've had the pleasure to play.

When I play a game, I'm most interested in gameplay. A good plot surely enhances the fun factor. Great characterization does that too, as do beautiful graphics and pleasant music. I recognise all aspects of a game (particularly the characters) are of utmost importance. But my biggest interest lies on good gameplay, above all the rest. And Metal Gear Solid is a series that's far from being my favourite style - I never liked action games (or espionage games FWIW). I've been mainly a RPG player since back when I started playing Phantasy Star on the SEGA MasterSystem, at age 7. That's sixteen years.

Then why do I like MGS so much? Because I learned to savour MGS games as experiences rather than games. Everything in a MGS game is always just perfectly put together. Even though I don't particularly like the style, it fits the overall package to an extent you can't imagine it playing as something different. The game plots always entrance me, maybe partly due to myself being a dimwitted person - I'm always taken aback by the twists and turnarounds. The characters are always interesting, the setting and atmosphere are very immersing...

...and there is Snake. Solid Snake, Naked Snake, whatever. Snake is godly perfection. There aren't words to describe him - he's what I consider to be the best done fictional character in nerd media. The personality, the looks (*swoons*) and the voice (whether by David Hayter or Akio Ohtsuka *melts*), everything reeks of the essence of sexy manliness sent from the heavens by God himself. I wouldn't dare to try to describe Snake's greatness, because I'm obviously incapable of such heroic deed.
Even though I'm far from being as big a Snake fanboy as some I've seen (he isn't even my favourite fictional character (that honour will always belong to Musashi, from Eyeshield 21 - although Snake is my favourite videogame character), I believe Snake is the perfect character. "Perfect"... I guess that might fit Snake. But it still doesn't feel... complete. That's Snake for you!

We have one being to especially thank for creating MGS (and, especially, creating Snake): Hideo Kojima. I don't follow his every step or even play every game he releases, but that the man is a genius is, to me, undeniable. I consider him to be one of the most important people in videogaming this days, almost up there with Yasumi Matsuno, my videogame God.

Even though I probably won't be able to play MGS5, as I haven't played MGS4 or even finished MGS3 (possibly my greatest frustration in my videogame background), I hope the MGS series is far from being over. Videogames, as a media, need the anticipation MGS ensures. Even when it's not yet announced, we look forward to a new MGS and feel certain that nothing could satisfy our needs for an over-the-top, often touching and, above all, very manly videogame experience as well as a MGS game does.

(EDIT: The trailer for the new Metal Gear Solid game for the PSP has a short scene of two Snake clones sharing private moments under a cardboard box with "Love Pack" written on it. Is there a limit for fanservice? This might have broken it, and I'm loving every moment!)

Monday, June 1, 2009

small snippets of a busy life‏

- I spend every weekend at my boyfriend's house. I wouldn't even consider writing a post in there since I have much better things to do with him, and we don't see each other except on Saturdays and Sundays so I have to make every minute count. It means this blog to be solemnly abandoned by the end of each week... but I'll do my best to write a post every Monday. (I really wish weekends would last longer *sigh*)

- Since finding PUG Heroic runs for my Protection Warrior is turning out to be an exercise in frustration, Ulduar is shaping up to be the current focus my World of Warcraft life. We're stuck in Mimiron on 10-man, and, sadly, we seldom get enough people to run 25-mans: we downed Kologarn last week, but couldn't get past him this week. It's fun, certainly more than Naxxramas, but still nowhere close to T6 in TBC for me - tier 9 can't come soon enough! I have to admit my rogue's kicking major ass on the DPS meters, though, and that is certainly a lot of fun. After a whole tier of gimped DPS, finally I feel worthy of my raid spot.

- Speaking of World of Warcraft, it seems Ferraro, a popular Paladin blogger, especially notorious for being a very cute lady and working as a playtester at Blizz, was unveiled to be a phony. She had been stealing the pictures from a beautiful nerdy girl's blog and Facebook for over four years and, from what it seems, made up several stories - the latest being a very... unlikely tale about there actually being seven different Ferraros who passed the baton one to another over the two years. Her blog was always a very interesting read but not only I doubt that she will write again, even if she would, I don't think I'd read it with the same eyes.

- I bought Casablanca, a movie I've always wanted to watch, but I still haven't had the opportunity to watch it. I'm a huge fan of old movies (my favourite film ever being It's a Wonderful Life), and I'm highly anticipating this one.

- My next post on the Mens Love memoirs should be up by Wednesday. I'm loving to dig up those memories. I'm thinking of writing a lot more about Mens Love in this blog than I originally planned to. Maybe with pictures? Rainbow Shoppers's emails about my points to redeem into discounts have also been tempting me into buying more Japanese porn... but after spending 10 dollars on a book and FIFTY dollars on shipping (yes, five times the book's price) last month, I'm kinda weary of falling in this trap again.

Friday, May 29, 2009

fanboy memoirs - part 1

(this is a self-biographical post about how I came to know what is now widely know in the western world as "bara" - gay porn comics drawn by Japanese artists. I've been a huge enthusiast since its very early steps in the English-speaking side of the wide internet, and after its surge of popularity in recent days, I felt like explaining how I relate to it. It's very long, so I split it in a couple posts. The second part will be published shortly)

When I came to terms with being gay, in the late 90s, I was still a young teenager and a major anime-manga junkie. I figured there had to be other gay people like me (gay men who liked manga) and, having already seen and liked some Western gay art, I was determined to search for something similar -except manga-styled. I wanted Japanese comics aimed at gay men. I obviously couldn't be the only person in the world who would be into that!

At first, the closest thing I found was yaoi. It's a style of comics drawn by women that focus on romantic relationships between men. First thing you notice about it is that men in yaoi are terribly effeminate, extremely thin, long haired, with long eyelashes. Some even wore make up and were barely distinguishable from women. But that's because yaoi isn't only drawn by women: it's also aimed at women - and Japanese women at that, who usually prefer their men soft and delicate. It was never meant to cater to gay men, and thus it never appealed to me. Disappointing.

However, one day, to my surprise, I found an artist who drew some very peculiar yaoi. Her name was Inuhiko Murano. That was some good eight or even nine years ago. I found her Gakuran Tengoku (School Uniform Paradise) book - six or seven stories about high-school teenagers, with a focus on sport clubs. They had short hair, muscles, some even had body hair - but, most important of all, they were anything but feminine. They were perfectly shounen-manga style. And they were having sex with each other. It was then that I noticed that yes, more people liked what I liked. Exactly what I liked, as a matter of fact. And there had to be more of that.

So I started looking where I should have been looking from the start: Japanese sites. And in my searches I found several artists who drew porn featuring characters I liked from manga and anime. It was everything I could ever ask for. By then, I came to learn the term uncanny accuracy everything I liked and was looking for. And best of all? There were other people who not only liked oyaji but were also immensely talented artists to boot. First one I found was the good old Masanori and his Rival Schools artwork, in the ancient year of 2002. I was in heaven.

But it was looking for more Inuhiko Murano - the girl who drew shounen yaoi I mentioned on the paragraph above - that I found out the one site that changed my very life forever.

(to be continued)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

dancing with the stars

I must be an oddball among nerds, since I had no previous knowledge of Star Trek whatsoever. I had a very neutral stand on the series: it never seemed to be something I needed to watch, but it wasn't something I would never watch. I knew nothing at all about it, yet I never felt compelled to get to know it. But it wasn't something I would avoid at all costs.

I got excited about the movie when I read somewhere that it was reminiscent of Star Wars. Not because I'm a Star Wars fanboy either, I watched each movie exactly once and that's it for my SW experience (although I must admit I'm looking forward to the to-be-released Star Wars MMO, The Old Republic). But rather because I thoroughly enjoy the very "Indiana Jones" feeling of the SW movies. I can't really describe it (and maybe it's the Indiana Jones movies that have a SW feeling?), but, in a sense, I'm less interested on the details of the stories themselves (Jedi, aliens, the Force etc) than on how the stories are. And I was expecting the Star Trek movie to convey the same silly, pulpy feeling too.

After watching it, I must say I wasn't disappointed. Maybe the Trekkies didn't like the movie very much. But me, a Star Trek virgin? I loved every moment. It does have the feeling I was hoping for, and the fact Kirk is terribly hot, in an overgrown teenager sort of way, didn't exactly get in the way. Even though I didn't feel attached to the character as an old time fan would, I loved every single dialogue of Old Spock.

...but, to me, the doctor Leonard McCoy was the highest point of the movie. Not only the character himself is terribly fun (the "ordinary guy thrown into a mess" type of character always get me), the actor, Karl Urban, whom I didn't know previously, is exceedingly sexy. On the first scene he appears, I was this close to melting on my seat - that facial hair, oh my God. Montgomery Scott was also a sweet character (I also have a thing for the token comic Brit - geez I like everything) played by that cutie called Simon Pegg.

Here's highly anticipating a sequel.
(preferably one with more scenes involving Scotty and McCoy!)

Monday, May 25, 2009

pride and joy

Apparently today's the Geek Pride Day!

I think of myself as primarily a videogame nerd. I'm not always up-to-date with technologic gadgets, I don't care much about Star Trek (never watched anything on it before the movie last week), Star Wars or Lord of the Rings (I actually fell asleep on the second movie and couldn't get past the first 50 pages in the books), I've never played those type of Role Playing Games you buy books and roll dices (only card games, like Pokémon and Magic: the Gathering - I've played a fair amount of those). I guess I could be considered a "retired otaku", since back in the day I've read lots of manga and followed several anime series - I've even done cosplay! But after many years I've burned out and I don't care that much about Japanese media (except Japanese porn), at least not nearly as much as when I was a teenager.

However, videogames have always been a part of my life, and still are. I started playing NES and SEGA MasterSystem back when I was 5, and I don't think I've never spend more than a month (maybe even a week) without playing a game. We gamers are seemingly a type of geek that's not as widely regonized as the others I've mentioned above, but, still, we're very important - didn't videogames recently surpass Hollywood movies in sale figures and are now among the largest entertainment industries? It's time every nerd started to show proper respect to us game geeks. :)

I should have celebrated by not going to work or class and indulging myself in a 16-hour WoW marathon. But I didn't - too bad. Regardless, may all fellow geeks have a very pleasant and nerdy day. :)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

world of cocaine

I started playing World of Warcraft back in October 2007. Back then, my life was devoid of any obsessions besides the usual ones that have become so everyday they can barely be considered true obsessions anymore - namely, oyaji and porn. My nerd life felt very empty. A few months earlier that year I had started my current job. After paying my debts, I decided to burn all the leftover money in a new PC and two WoW CD-Keys. One was for myself, the other, for my boyfriend.

We've been hopelessly addicted ever since.

WoW is a remarkable gaming experience. Even if you are a hater (and there's a lot of those), it's hard not to recognize it has some very strong qualities. My previous MMO experience was limited to Ragnarok Online (*vomits*) and the scale of immersion just can't be compared. It makes you feel attached. Everything in Wow seems built to make you crave for more, no wonder it is and has been such a huge sensation.

But, truth be told: WoW is a horrible thing. It can turn you into a lifeless zombie. It might end up becoming something too important in your daily schedule, to the point of making you eschew every other form of entertainment you used to enjoy just to play WoW. The worst part? You won't mind it being a brainless, Blizzard-controlled monkey, because it's the kind of horrible thing that you enjoy. Kinda like drugs.

I don't think I would recommend World of Warcraft to anyone, as I'm fully aware of the dangers of addiction. But I'm a lost cause myself... and that's part of the reasons I decided to start this blog: it can serve as a healthy alternative to WoW. Other videogames these days don't thrill me anymore, I'd rather play WoW that the crap developers have been constantly delivering. Could writing a blog about things I like - videogames and guys - be the cure to my disease? Time will tell. :)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

a simple introduction

After debating for a long time, I decided to make a blog.

I'm Red, a huge nerd from São Paulo, Brazil who happens to be gay. I'm rather clueless when it comes to most gay stuff, but I'm as geeky as they get. Expect most of my posts to deal with nerdy stuff, especially videogames (I'm a videogame fanatic almost since birth), with some gay stuff thrown in between.

For starters, here's a short explanation on the meaning of the blog's title. The "complex" part is meant to be a pun on lolikon, or "lolita complex": a sexual attraction to underage girls, fairly common among otaku. However, the object of my attraction is the polar opposite of underaged girls - it's overaged guys. There's not a precise Japanese term for that "fetish". So I took the liberty of making one up, just for kicks, and for that I used the japanese word for "daddy": oyaji (check the Wikipedia entry for a more through explanation, examples included). Oyaji tends to be used by my fellow gay nerds to refer to the typical older characters in manga, anime and videogames - usually bearded, muscular and gruffy. I have an unhealthy fixation on oyaji - which basically means I really like old guys (not only, of course, but I'm especially fond of them).

I'll try to write a proper post later.